How I Found God (And How he Completely Changed My Life)

Uni
Aug 1
3 min read

I never thought I'd be the one writing this let alone sharing how I found God in the middle of my pain

I used to roll my eyes at people who said,

'God saved me."

I didn't believe in Him.

I was so angry at the idea of Him.

Because if there was a God....why would He let me suffer?

Why would He let people like my ex-husband walk around, destroying lives and smiling through it?

Why would my life keep falling apart, when all I did was try to survive?

I Was Done, And I Meant It

There was a night. One I'll never forget.

The kind of night where the silence is too loud and the weight on your chest makes it hard to breathe.

I had lost almost everything. I was exhausted from fighting battles I never asked for.

My ex had pulled the rug out from under me over and over again. Lying, manipulating, breaking me down piece by piece until I didn't even recognize who I was anymore.

And in that moment....I broke

I remember crying on the floor and saying the most bitter, broken prayer I've ever spoken.

"God, if you're real, make it all go away.

I wanted God to him and do to him what he was doing to me.

I didn't say it with hope.

I didn't say it with faith.

I said it with rage. With pain. With pure desperation.

I was done. I was ready to take the coward's way out because I truly thought there was nothing left for me.

But then something happened I wasn't expecting.

I felt Real Love, And It Wasn't from Me

Right there, in my mess, in my bitterness, in my brokenness, I felt something I had never felt before.

It wasn't fear.

It wasn't shame

It wasn't guilt.

It was love.

Pure, overwhelming, undeniable love. And it wrapped around me like a blanket, like a whisper, like a lifeline.

"you're not alone

I've been all along."

I didn't hear it out loud. But I felt it. Deep in my bones. And I started sobbing. Not from pain this time, but from feeling of finally being seen. From the knowing that....

God didn't come to destroy my enemies. He came to rescue me.

The Next Morning, Everything Was Different

I woke up with fire in my heart.

Not to fight the people who hurt me.... but to forgive them.

Do you know how hard that was?

To pick up the phone and call people who broke me.

To say, " I forgive you" even when I still felt the sting?

To admit to people, I had hurt that/ and been wrong too?

It was one of the hardest things I've ever done.

But something about it- about releasing all that bitterness, all that anger. Opened the door to everything I had been praying for without realizing it.

My Life Changed in Ways I Still Can't Believe

After that night.... doors flew open.

My offer was accepted.

We got the keys to the home I had been dreaming of since I was a little girl.

My kids, my beautiful sweet brave kids, finally had the chance to be kids.

And I started building this beautiful career online that lets me stay home and do what I love.

Every single thing that had once felt impossible started coming into place.

Not because I chased revenge.

Not because I got even.

But because I surrendered.

I let go. And let God in.

I'm Not Just Living. I'm Loved