Healing from Narcissistic Abuse: How I Turned Pain into Purpose and Built a Safe Space

I Didn't Choose This Pain- But I Chose What Came Next

There's a version of my story that's hard to write.

Not because I'm ashamed, but because when you've spent years being silenced, gaslit, minimized, and broken down by someone who pretended to love you, it takes everything in you to speak the truth out loud.

But this is that truth.

I was married to a narcissist.

He never hit me. But he shattered me in ways I didn't know were possible. Emotionally. Mentally. Spiritually.

He made me question my worth, my sanity, my reality. he controlled everything! My time. My choices. My friendships. My voice.

I wasn't allowed to make decisions without him. I couldn't dream too big, couldn't say no, couldn't be too much or not enough without punishment.

What he called a joke was really a threat. He took me to a place deep in the woods and said if I ever left him, he would bring me out here and throw me in the deep well where I would become a missing person no one would be missing. And for the longest time, I believed I couldn't leave.... because who would look for me? Who would care?

And when I finally found the courage to leave.

To claw my way back to myself, to find my worth. He tried to destroy me all over again.

What Came Next Wasn't Just Survival- It Was a Rebirth

Leaving him wasn't peaceful.

It was war.

He came after me legally, emotionally, financially. He tried to use our kids as leverage. He threatened, manipulated, and weaponized everything he could.

I didn't have a perfect plan. I have five kids, a shattered heart, and trauma tangled so deep I couldn't tell where he ended, and I began.

But I had something he never expected:

Fire.

The Abuse You Couldn't See

The hardest part of narcissistic abuse is how invisible it is.

It doesn't leave bruises on your skin- it leaves scars on your soul.

He isolated me. Told me who I could talk to. Made me feel guilty for wanting boundaries, for needing rest, for having dreams of my own. The more I shrank to keep the peace, the more I disappeared.

I was a mom. A wife. A woman trying her best.

But behind closed doors, I was a prisoner in my own home.

Too afraid to leave.

Too exhausted to fight.

Too broken to believe I deserved anything better.

Until one day... staying hurt more than leaving.

How Gaming Became My Escape...and Then My Healing

In the middle of all that chaos, I didn't expect my healing to come from a controller. But it did.

Phenox, the only friend I had, (who is now my boyfriend) helped set up my Xbox, And in those quiet hours between court hearings and emotional breakdowns, I escaped into gentle worlds where I could plant flowers, decorate homes, fish in peace, and exist without fear.

No yelling.

No pressure

Just soft, forgiving worlds I could actually breathe in.

At first, I felt guilty for loving it. But Phenox saw something in me. He saw a light coming back to my eyes. He told me to keep playing.

And I did.

Because in those virtual worlds, I finally remembered what peace felt like. And then I had the wild thought.

"If I can feel safe here....maybe I can build something safe in real life too."

From Escaping to Creating: How My Content Journey Began

I started streaming with Phenox as a couple duo, sharing our laughs, our games, and our healing. But as the brand grew, we realized we had different creative visions.

So I stepped out on my own.

I started sharing my truth on TikTok.

Talking about cozy games, motherhood, mental health, trauma, and healing.

And then I started blogging. Creating. designing a world I never had growing up.

At first, it was just an outlet.

Then it became a mission.

Because I realized.... I'm not alone.

There are so many women like me out there.

Women who were told to be quiet.

Women who were made to feel crazy.

Women who left and didn't know where to go next.

So I built that place.

A cozy blog.

A pastel Twitch Stream.

A soft discord server.

My dream home- the one I used to imagine when I was just a little girl.

And my very own Podcast

I Didn't Choose This Pain. But I Chose What Came Next.

And what I chose?

Purpose

Peace

Power

This blog, this brand, this entire cozy corner of the internet. It exist because I refused to let pain define me.

I turned my trauma into a platform.

I turned my silence into a voice.

I turned what shattered me into a space where others can finally exhale and feel safe too.

What I've Learned Along the Way

Healing isn't linear. Some days I still grieve the goodbyes I never got to say.

Your story doesn't have to be pretty to be powerful

You don't have to be "over it" to create from it.

Safe spaces matter. Soft creators matter.

Your softness is strength.

There's nothing small about choosing peace after surviving pain.

If You're Still in the Hurt

If you're reading this with tears in your eyes because you see yourself in my story, I want you to hear me:

You are not crazy

You are not broken

You are not too far gone

You are allowed to want softness

You are allowed to rebuild, even if it starts small.

Even if all you can do today is open your favorite book or play your favorite game and breathe for 10 minutes. That's enough.

all that matters is that you showed up.

That's your beginning.

That's your strength.

That's your soft after the storm.

I Wrote This for Her

I didn't write this for pity.

I wrote it for the woman I used to be.

The mom who had to lie to her dying grandmother through tears on the phone as to why she couldn't come just to protect his image instead of telling her the truth. When the truth was, he threatened her with abandonment charges if she left the kids with him, and said he'd report her for kidnapping if she took them to see to go and see her. A week after that phone call her grandma passed away. She didn't get to say goodbye. She didn't get to attend her funeral.

The woman who shook when she smiled.

The woman who had to walk all the way from the other end of the parking lot because he didn't want to drop her off at the ER door when she was in active labor. ( because he was mad that she woke him up in the middle of night due to her water breaking and he screamed and yelled at her the whole time)

The one who cried silently at night and pretended everything was fine during the day.

The woman who made excuses just to protect his ego and image.

If that's you- this space is for you.

You are not alone.

You are not too late.

You are not too broken.

You are simply someone still healing from narcissistic abuse- and that healing is valid, brave, and so worthy of support

You deserve peace.

You deserve softness.

You deserve a life that feels safe.

I didn't choose the pain.

But I chose what came next.

And now? I'm building something beautiful from the ruins.

And if I can... So can you

-Uni